Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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