he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
