I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
