I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
