Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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