I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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