is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
