last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
a search helicopter?!
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
