And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
