Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
