He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
When are your genitals available?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
