he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
