She announced her abortion via fbk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
