we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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