She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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