Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
