I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
