I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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