I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
