He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
