I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
