why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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