Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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