Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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