you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
