So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
