$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
