Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
