I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
