I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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