You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Sext me about skeletons
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
