I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
