Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
We need to rekindle our bromance
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
