I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
