She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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