I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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