you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
