This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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