I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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