I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
