I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
