On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
