Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need a burrito and a hug.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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