Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
