my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
