Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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