I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
