The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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