omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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