I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
